Under New Jersey law, judges should consider your child’s preference for who to live with, but only if your child is of sufficient age and capacity to reason. However, children can’t make the choice on their own until they’re 18.
Courts determine custody and parenting time based on your child’s best interest, which may or may not be their preference. The older and more mature your child is, though, the more weight their voice typically carries in court. But even teenagers don’t get the final say; only judges do.
Old Enough to Choose
New Jersey doesn’t set an age at which a child is old enough to choose who they live with. Courts hold the authority to decide custody until your child is an adult. The standard age at which courts consider your child’s preferences isn’t determined by a number, but by a capacity. A thoughtful 12-year-old could be taken more seriously than an impulsive 17-year-old.
Your Child’s Age and Maturity
Because the standard is about capacity for reason, your child’s influence on the court typically increases with age and maturity. For children under age 10, judges usually give little consideration to the stated preference. Younger children are more easily influenced and less able to grasp what’s at stake. New Jersey courts generally give more credence to a child’s views around age 12 and above.
Factors Judges Consider vs Your Child’s Wishes
Your child’s wishes are seldom a line item on the long list of things a judge must consider when determining custody.
- The parents’ ability to communicate and cooperate
- The parents’ willingness to accept custody
- The parents’ willingness to facilitate parenting time
- The child’s relationship with parents and siblings
- A history of domestic violence
- The child’s safety and security with each parent
- The stability of each home
- The quality and continuity of the child’s education
- The fitness of each parent
- The parents’ employment duties and schedules
Notice that the child’s age and preference are not on the list. However, your child’s wishes fit inside the bigger picture, and a mature preference can close the gap.
How Courts Learn Your Child’s Preference
Sharing your child’s preference with the court rarely means putting them on the witness stand. New Jersey courts prefer to keep kids out of the crossfire, so a judge usually speaks with them privately in chambers through an on-camera interview.
Either parent can request this private meeting with the judge, but they must request it before trial. Often, these interviews are conducted without the parents being present. Courts can also appoint a guardian ad litem for your child to help express your child’s preferences to the court. Schedule a consultation with Hand & Toker to learn more.
What to Do and Not Do in Custody Court
How you handle your custody case and your child’s preferences matter significantly in and out of court. Your conduct and decisions could hurt or help your case, so approaching judges without experienced legal counsel is generally discouraged.
Judges are adept at spotting children who’ve been coached or told what to say. And nothing undermines a case faster than a child who sounds influenced or well-rehearsed.
DO
Reassure your child often, and make sure they know the decision about where to live isn’t theirs to make. Help them understand the court system and what evidence judges need to see. Contact your attorney for guidance.
Keep their routine as stable and calm as possible in the meantime. And raise any safety or security concerns about the other parent through your attorney. Never put your child in the middle, even if things get tense or you feel your child’s perspective might help your case.
DON’T
Never pressure your child to choose you over the other parent, and don’t tell them what to say in court or to the judge. And while the situation may be stressful, never badmouth the other parent or share adult details with your children. Courts might see this as grooming, and if so, it could affect your case.
Preferences that sound manufactured can backfire. But children who appear unpressured can improve your credibility. Find out how Hand & Toker can help.
What to Do Next
While your child’s age could help judges determine their capacity for reason and maturity, no specific number gives them authority over the court. Your child’s preferences are considered but not always used in the final decision. Evidence and narrative matter; so work with an attorney to build your case the right way. Hand & Toker Family Law can help you set the record straight and influence courts to give more weight to your child’s wishes through shrewd legal strategy. Don’t wait until your child is